Travel Jokes While On The Road

I’ve been traveling for work quite a bit lately. Had some downtime in the airports and picked up a few traveling jokes along the way. I wouldn’t recommend this one if you get pulled over by a police officer though:

Have you been drinking?

Woman is speeding and gets pulled over. Officer asks her to step out of the car. “Ma’am I noticed your eyes were a little bloodshot. Were you drinking?

With a “sweet” reply, the woman says, “Sir, I noticed your eyes were glazed. Were you eating donuts?”

The Poor Limo Driver

Have you heard about the poor limo driver who was driving for 10 years without a single customer?

All those years and nothing to chauffeur it.

Read More

How and Why to be Positive

Positive thinking has a huge effect on our day to day lives. It affects how we perceive things and how we respond to them. It even affects our physical health- constant negative thinking can lead to depression which can lead to all sorts of physical and mental problems, but positive thinking and laughter reduce stress hormones and increase immune cells. Hence the old saying ‘laughter is the best medicine.’ In the fast paced business world, it can be hard to focus on viewing things positively, but you’re bound to be better off if you do.

An easy way to shift your focus toward the good things in life is to practice gratitude. Being grateful gives you an awareness of the huge size of your blessings and the smaller size of your troubles- in short, it gives you perspective. Try writing down one thing each day that you are grateful for. It can be as small as the stranger who smiled at you, or as big as a job offer, but I promise it will make a difference. You will start to pay less attention to the bad things in your life, and more attention to the good.

Another easy way to practice positive thinking is to smile. Even when you don’t necessarily feel like it, the simple act of smiling tricks your brain into thinking that you’re happy, and it has a huge effect on your mood. Don’t believe me? Go ahead- try it!

You have, I’m sure, heard of the saying ‘pay it forward,’ and this is yet another way to bring about a more positive lifestyle. Just be kind! Compliment a stranger, call a family member, feed the homeless, literally ‘pay it forward’ in the Starbucks drive thru- there are thousands of ways you can be kind in small ways on a daily basis. Try giving yourself a goal- do one act of kindness every day, then two, then three. Watch how quickly it affects your own happiness!

Life can most certainly be hard. However, our own perspective about our situation determines how we will react to it. Will we let hard times get the best of us and fall into sadness and anger? Or will we choose to take charge and make the best of everything life throws our way? As cliche as it may sound, no one can decide that except you. Though you may not have total power over your circumstances, you do have total and complete power over your mood, your reactions, and your happiness. So use it!

Why Books are Better than TV

We’ve all done it- spent an afternoon or an entire day binge watching way too much of our most recent Netflix find. There’s not much wrong with the occasional Netflix indulgence, but if binge watching becomes a habit, you’ll soon be facing health problems- mentally and physically. Books, on the other hand, are a mentally stimulating way to spend your time. A survey in 2015, however, found that only 72 percent of adults had read that year, and the numbers are only decreasing. As they do, mental illness- depression, anxiety- steadily increases.

People who read score consistently higher on cognitive tests, especially when it comes to language. They have a far more developed vocabulary, and a much higher ability for critical thinking. When you read, you’re forced to take in the information given to you, process it, and form an opinion about it- that is, you have to think. Television, however, is designed to be much more passive. You can turn on the TV and turn off your brain as you sit mindlessly watching a show with little or no real comprehension. All the information you need is given to you on the show, you don’t have to form opinions or ideas or thoughts about anything that is going on, you just absorb. And on top of that, watching TV is closely associated with eating large amounts of unhealthy food, once again, mindlessly.

Reading also heightens your attention span. Readers have are much more able to sit and listen to a speaker without getting bored. The rise of television has made the world think that we constantly need to be entertained, or else something is not worth our time. As television usage has increased, presidential debates, church sermons, you name it, have become much more about entertaining the watcher than presenting real content. Many people can’t handle content if it isn’t presented in an entertaining way.

That said, television is not bad, per se. It certainly has its place. It is a great tool for teaching. It also has a unique ability to convey emotion. The combination of a both visual and audible story can engage the watcher in an amazing way if it’s executed well. It may not be as mentally stimulating, but TV does have the potential to teach its viewers moral lessons extremely well.

So all in all, it comes down to balance. Watching quality TV is not a bad thing if it’s done on occasion and with the realization that you aren’t actively engaging your mind. And as long as you don’t totally give up on reading like many people today have chosen to do, you will continue to grow your mind in amazing ways!


Best Dad Jokes of All Time

The ‘Dad Joke’ is a term for a painfully bad pun… one that, well, a dad would make. Dads are the masters of cringe worthy jokes, and we love them for it. Why is it just dads? Who knows, really. I guess it just comes with the job title. Moms can magically tell your temperature with the backs of their hands, and dads can all of the sudden make endless bad jokes. Everyone needs a few good puns in their life every once in a while, though, so here are some of the best dad jokes out there.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

What’s Forest Gump’s password? 1forrest1

Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!

I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the alphabet. I don’t know why…

You’re American when you go into the bathroom and American when you come out, but what are you when you’re in there? European.

What’s the loudest pet you can own? A trumpet.

Kid: I’m hungry. Dad: Hi hungry, I’m dad!

What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty.

Why wasn’t the woman happy with the velcro she bought? It was a total ripoff.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him at school? Bison.

Why did the crab never share? Because he’s shellfish.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.

Did you here about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.

What did the grape do when he was stepped on? He let out a little wine.

The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.

The rotation of the earth really makes my day.


Well there you go- eighteen bad jokes straight from the dads of the world. You gotta give it to them, dads have a sense of humor even if it is…unique. Now you can turn the tables and use these jokes on your own dad!

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road…Really?

Why did the chicken cross the road? It’s an age old question that I’m sure you’ve heard again, and again… and again. I was curious where that question came from in the first place, so I did some digging. It turns out that it first appeared in an 1847 New York newspaper called The Knickerbocker as one of the first examples of antihumor, saying, “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.”
Now I’m as big a fan of the anti joke as the next guy, but sometimes you need some puns and real humor. And that is why I’ve collected some of the best answers to the most classic question.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To cockadoodle do something.

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? He heard the referee calling fowls.

Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.

Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house… knock knock. Who’s there? The chicken!

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was free-range.

Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken.

Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? he didn’t have the guts.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

So there you have it. My ten favorite crossing the road jokes. It may be an old line, but it’s still funny! And who says it has to be about a chicken? Insert all sorts of animals and you can make some pretty great jokes!


Water, Water Everywhere: Thanksgiving Edition

A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to a bar by the ocean for the first time. When the physicist saw the ocean, he was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Unfortunately, he drowned and never returned. The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned. Then, the chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, “The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water.”

Thanksgiving is just right around the corner. Heavy food like turkey and stuffing, paired with wine and pumpkin pie, is a combination that can make you and your guests sleepy, or worse, dehydrated. Don’t let the conversation die or allow anyone to start feeling unwell. Instead, be sure to serve crisp filtered water throughout the evening so your guests have plenty of H2O in their system late into the evening.

While keeping your guests hydrated is one thing, keeping your guests happy is just as important. Boerne Water Softener Pros can help with providing clean, clear and delicious water to wash down your meal—but the rest is up to you.

To pull off the perfect Thanksgiving, you need to prioritize. First things first: preparation and planning. To stay organized, it’s extremely important to create what caterers call a prep list, which lays out—in order—all the tasks that need to be done in the two days prior to your Thanksgiving dinner. You need to decide which recipes you want to make, and keep in mind that there’s only so much one person―and one kitchen―can do. If you really want 10 side dishes, look for recipes that use the same oven temperature, so they can cook at the same time. After you narrow down your menu, glance over the recipes that remain. Most can be broken into steps that you can do ahead of time. Then make a list of what you want to get done on each of the days leading up to Thanksgiving.

Just days before Thanksgiving, make everything that will be served chilled, like cranberry sauce. Cover the dishes, place them in the refrigerator, and forget about them until time to eat. It’s always a good idea to make one last trip to the store on the day before Thanksgiving. Gather up any supplies you may have forgotten before, and add on extras that might enhance your meal. On the day of, take a deep breathe. It’s easy to get stressed when you’re under pressure to make the perfect holiday meal for friends and family—but, don’t be afraid to ask for help! Distribute tasks to make your life easier.

Finally, when all the pies are out of the oven and the turkey is on the table, enjoy yourself! It is the holidays, you know. Give thanks to those you helped you pull off the perfect feast, and enjoy every bite of your home-cooked meal. And most importantly, remember to stay hydrated—it’s starting to look a lot like Christmas!

Laughter Is Good For Your Health

Wow, I got back from one of my consulting gigs and realized that I hadn’t posted to my blog in over a month. Time does really spin furiously forward… I picked up a few magazines on health while I was travelling and one of the articles caught my eye, so I tore it out and put it in my bag to make sure I remembered to write about it on my blog.

One of the things I love about jokes and being witty is that it not only makes the people around you laugh, it makes me laugh as well! So, in the article I was reading about laughter, there were seven health benefits that were discovered by researchers at the University of California. Drs. Lee Berk and Stanley Tan did the research and provided the following results… Read More

How Much Do You Read?

I was traveling last week and heading over to Europe. On the plane from New York City to London, one of the gentlemen I was sitting next to started a conversation with me just after take off. He was a businessman from Atlanta. He was heading over to London for some business consulting with some small businesses just outside of London. I asked him how long he had been doing business consulting. He had been involved in the small business consulting arena for a little over 15 years. I asked him how he was able to sustain his business for that long. I’ve always worked for a large corporation and had the benefit of thousands of employees.

Frankly, I was taken back by his response. He didn’t give me an answer. He asked me a very interesting question.

How much do you read? Read More

Are Marketing Jokes The New Lawyer Jokes?

Since marketing and online marketing is so popular these days, do you think online marketing jokes are the new lawyer jokes? I mean, there are so many “opportunities” online now trying to get people to start their own businesses. It’s really become the ambulance chasing lawyer of the 1990s. So many people are looking for ways to make a living online. Is it really an opportunity for people. I know many of my family and friends who have gotten involved in all sorts of businesses claiming this is going to get them out of their day jobs.

I really enjoy my job. It allows me to travel and meet all sorts of interesting people in different places. I’ve also run into my fair share of people who are promising buckets of gold if I will join their opportunity because they see that I’m in sales and have a great knack for talking. I did come across an interesting training site for online business the other day.

Here are a couple of marketing jokes that were told to me by a couple of advertising executives… Read More

Ever get witty block?

It takes a lot of effort to have your “game on” and be witty all the time. Trying to roll out the laughs in an instant takes loads of energy, that just can’t be found with artificial sweeteners and chemicals in a can. I find that the worst is when I can’t sleep and am exhausted the next day. The magic seems to be locked away is some hidden cavern. Even worse is trying to write blog posts to keep the laughs going…

I need to sleep on it…